A Safe Haven
Regarding the tragedy that befell Mr James Carvalho and his personal assistant & finance officer Igor, as recounted through e-mails between Mr Carvalho, Mr Brown Lennon and Mr Adams Lawrence
14th April 2009
Hello,
I am Brown Lennon from United Kingdom. i have a land in west africa, i bought the land about 15 years ago. The land contains crude oil, so i have decided to contact any buyer that could be interested in the land. The land is just about 32 hectares. Please you should be prepared to travel over to west africa to view the land. I have a financial consultant in London that would represent my financial interest and a lawyer in west africa to help us expedite action on the transaction. if you are interested please get back to me on my email: brown.lennon1@crudeoil.com with your profile and genuine interest/offer.
Best Regards,
Brown Lennon
Dear Mr Lennon,
I am very interested in your land. What kind of place is it? Are there any churches nearby (specifically, the type of buildings with large crucifixes?) I ask because those places give me the creeps and would severely impair me from purchasing your land. Also, does the land contain any sort of house I can stay inside whilst I visit? I would prefer if it was the kind of house that has blinds or shutters that completely cover the windows - you see, I'm a little sensitive to light. A basement would also be preferable. Finally, is there a commercial port nearby? I would like to travel to see your land but I am only able to do so by sea.
If you invite me into your home here in the U.K., it will be my pleasure to visit you and discuss this further.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Mr James Carvalho
P.S. My working hours are a little unorthodox so I'm not able to reply to phonecalls or e-mails until after 8pm. I hope that's OK.
15th April 2009
Dear Cavarlho,
Thanks for your email, presently i am not in uk because of some business deals, i am in spain right now.
Firstly i believe that the land will be ok by you because there is a duplex that was built by me on the land and i have force men that guarding the house and the land 24 hours, so travelling down to west africa to see the land will never be a problem becuase there is sea around the land and you will be welcomed properly like a king. i want you to contact my lawyer in west africa so that he can tell you more things about the land and how the transaction will take place. my lawyer in west africa can be reached on his phone: +123-4567891011 or you can mail him earlier so that he can tell you what to do next. this is the email address of my lawyer: adams.lawrence@legaleagle.com tell him that you are from brown lennon and i will call him now.
Regards
Brown Lennon
Dear Mr Lennon,
It warms my heart to hear you describe me as a King. Many moons ago this was how people called me when I walked the streets of Europe's capitals. As things go, my name has fallen from use (and into a certain disrepute) and is now almost forgotten by those who should remember it most. I am also very happy to hear that the land is provided with a duplex protected by guards. I imagine they must be tall, strong men - their powerful muscles and piercing eyes inspiring fear and admiration on those that approach the compound. Can't wait to meet them!
Since our last correspondence, it has become a matter of urgency that I leave the U.K. I fear that some individuals here do not have my best interests at heart and are determined to find my resting place. I have a faithful friend, Igor, who is a type of personal assistant - he will be travelling to West Africa before me to make sure my arrival by boat goes smoothly, and that the duplex is fitted for my needs. The both of us are very keen on leaving this island A.S.A.P.
On a completely unrelated note, have you ever watched the TV show Rupaul's Drag Race? Igor and I have been so addicted to it we spent nearly our entire Easter weekend watching it. There are some Fierce Divas in that show! I highly recommend it as a mixture of light entertainment and fabulous spectacle unlike anything else on the telly. I only wish they would bring the format to the U.K. because I could see the British public lapping this show up. What's the TV like in your country by the way? Are there many interesting shows? I do tend to stay indoors a lot (especially during the summer) so I rely on the TV for some of my entertainment.
I hope this e-mail finds you well. Please do pass my contact details to your lawyer and ask him to contact me (but only after 8pm) so that I can learn how to proceed from here.
Yours truly,
Mr Carvalho
P.S. Igor waves hello.
17th April 2009
Dear Mr Carvalho,
Thanks for your early mail, i want you to know that meeting with mr Igor will not be a problem, i will be happy to welcome him with my hands open.
Regarding the guards of the duplex i told you about, they are tall strong and phisically fit they can guild any where in the world, but before my Igor can come here i will want him to pay some certain amount of money so that i can prepare some government papers and pay for some government revenue tax here in west africa.
So Mr carvalho the total amount of money that you will have to pay is $3,800 so that i can start to proccess the land document before i can meet with mr Igor. if you know you are ready to pay for the documents kindly send me a mail so that i can send you the westrn union information that you will use in sending the money.
Regards
Adams Lawrence
This is the land certificate:
Dr Mr Lawrence,
Thank you for your e-mail and for explaining so succinctly what I need to do next. Igor, as well as being my P.A., manages my finances. I ordered him to find $3,800 in my coffers so I could pay for your government tax and papers, but he came back and told me we only had gold coins and that he would need to have them converted into paper money. He then proceeded to take some of the coins to the port and look for sailors interested in buying them. He was gone for a long time (which is why I haven't replied earlier to you - I was so worried he'd been captured by those men who seek to destroy me that I couldn't bear to visit our local internet cafe.) When he came back, he told me crazed tales of sailors and ships no longer existing at the port, of people laughing at him when he showed them the gold coins and calling him a fool.
You might wonder Mr Lawrence what I did next. Well, I gave Igor a beating! How dare he tell me these lies? Does he take me for a naive babe? I know the world we live in; I know that my gold coins are still valuable and can open any doors for me.
Finally, after skulking around the crypt for a while, Igor suggested hiding the coins inside statues of the Virgin and taking them to Africa with him. He will be stowing away inside the next boat that departs England and after a few weeks at sea, will arrive at your country and give you the coins. I'm sure you will be able to sell the coins and get the money needed to secure the land for me.
Please let me know if this plan seems a good one to you. If you are happy with it, I shall send you a photo of Igor so you can recognise him when he arrives.
With warm regards,
Mr Carvalho
18th April 2009
Hello Cavarlho,
Thanks for your mail, i will like to see the photo of mr igor so that i will know how to describe him whenever he arrives in africa. i will also want to know how much he will be bringing with him?
The coins you are talking about is it the coins that they normally spend in uk? pls advise me so that i wll know what to do.
Regards
Adams Lawrence
Hello Adams,
Please find attached a photo of Igor. I am sure you will have no trouble spotting him once he arrives in your beautiful country. He will meet you at midnight inside Querelle Bar, where all the solitary sailors go when they seek love. He will have with him two statues of the Virgin. Each statue will contain inside 20 gold coins, which I hope is enough to pay for government taxes, put a down payment on the land and buy a lil' gift for each of the security guards (by the way, can you give me suggestions for gifts to them? Do they like cashmere and taffeta?)
It's been 9 hours now since Igor said goodbye and went to the port. It was a very emotional scene, with tears shed by the both of us. Damn, I am going to miss that hunchback! I know I treat him harshly sometimes, but he is a good companion and does the housework competently. I hope you treat him well when you meet him, Mr Lawrence.
Igor will try to send me telegraphs from the boat if he manages to enter the captain's cabin without being noticed. I shall keep you updated on his journey. In the meantime, tell me about yourself. What is your favorite book, your favorite film? You are very mysterious Mr Lawrence. Are you one of those strong and silent types?
Hugs,
Mr Carvalho
22nd April 2009
Hi James,
Thanks for your email, i will be expecting mr Igor in lagos, nigeria so that we can see and discuss how the deal will take place.
Regards
Adams Lawrence
6th May 2009
Hello James,
When is Igor coming to africa??
Hello Mr Lawrence,
I am very worried about Igor. I don't know when he'll arrive in Africa... I don't even know if he's still alive!
About a week ago, the ship he was stowed away in sent a distress signal that was picked up by the YMCA Royal Navy. It appears that the ship encountered heavy storms on the way to Africa and crashed against some rocks. Many died or disappeared under the waves; Igor was one of the few that survived (his morse code was sent from the captain's cabin just before he jumped out of the window and managed to land in one of the dinghys.) Unfortunately, he lost all of the Virgin statues with the gold coins, apart from one stuffed down his trousers (maybe it's enough for a down payment on your property, if he gets there?) The gifts for the security guards were also lost.
About a few days ago, I received a text message from his mobile phone. It appears that the survivors of the ship found an island off the African coast and are currently there. All attempts on my part to locate the exact location of the island, however, have been futile - it's as if the place is off the maps! He was in high spirits until this morning, when a distressing message arrived together with a mobile photo: "They all died. Please help me. I'll try to make it to the second island in a boat I found. They killed them, the Others killed them all..."
As you can imagine, I'm deathly pale with worry. I sincerely hope he manages to make it to Africa and buy the land for me, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I fear the worst.
Attentiously yours,
James Carvalho
12th may 2009
Hello James,
Thanks for the mail, do you still have the gold coin with you, if you still have go to any bureau de change where they normally chnage money and change the money to paper money and send it to me right away. i am sorry about igor.
Regards
Adams
Hello Adams,
It's been 7 hours and 15 days since that ship took Igor away. I go out every night and sleep all day... since the ship took Igor away. Since he's been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose. I can eat my dinner behind a fancy restaurant but nothing - I said nothing - can take away these blues... 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo!
It's been so lonely without him here, like a bat without a song. Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling - tell me Adams, where did I go wrong? I could put my arms round every boy I see, but they'd only remind me of him. I went to the psychic, guess what she told me? Guess what she told me? She said "Honey you better try to have fun no matter what you do," but she's a fool - 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo!
All the flowers that I planted Adams in the graveyard, all died when he went away. I know that living with me was sometimes hard but I'm willing to give it another try... nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo...
Sincerely,
James
22nd May 2009
Hello James,
Thanks for the mail, I am so sorry for Igor. I have a client in united kingdom that wants to issue a check to my company in london, I will like you to receive the check and deposit into your bank account and if the money has been deposited into your account you can deduct %10 from the money and send the remaining money to my manager in africa. I hope this deal will be good for you.
I am waiting for your reply on this deal.
Regards
Adams
Dear Adams,
Out on the winding, wintry morgues we'd roll and fall in glee. I had a temper like my jealousy - too hot, too greedy. How could Igor leave me, when I needed to possess him? I hated him... but I loved him, too.
Bad dreams in the night - Igor once told me he was going to lose the fight, leave behind my lingering, lingering, lingering bites.
"Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window. Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window."
Adams, it gets dark! It gets lonely, on the other side from him. I pine a lot, I find the lot falls through without him. "I'm coming back," Igor wailed. "Cruel Carvalho, my one dream, my only master."
Too long I roamed in the night. And now he's coming back to my side, to put it right. Igor's coming home to my lingering, lingering, lingering bites.
"Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window."
Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab his soul away. Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab his soul away. You know it's him -- Igor!
Wistfully yours,
James
P.s. I managed to snap a photo of the apparition outside my window. Do you think it might actually be Igor?!?
Love the photos of Igor
That bit when he deviates into Drag Race is hilarious.